Brighter Days

This past week has been a little hectic, to say the least. I got home from Oregon, moved into my apartment, went to a couple of events hosted by my friends, and went back to work. Oh, I also met up with my ex-husband to do taxes, and I had my first therapy session since before my trip. So how do I feel now that a week has passed?

I feel great.

It's weird looking back to November and December. There were days I thought I would never get through. Don't get me wrong, my hope never faltered - I always hoped that I would get through each day and that the next day would be better. But honestly, I'm still not sure how I kept going sometimes. My therapist says I'm making progress, and she even told me that she does not feel it is necessary for me to go to her every week anymore. That was an exciting day. I went back to work after that session and I was smiling so much it made everyone else smile. That's a good feeling.

Of course, now that I'm adequately moving on in various aspects of my life, a certain someone is making my head spin in circles. Pretty much all I can do is think about this person, think about everything I've said to him that I wish I didn't, and fret about what I'll say to him next time I see him. He has completely infiltrated my head and I do not appreciate it. I was on the phone for two hours tonight with one of my friends, rambling off all my theories over what anything he said might mean. I should just take multiple people's advice and not read too much into anything, but hey. I'm a girl. It's kind of what I do.

I'm sure I'll eventually grow some courage and tell him what I'm thinking. Or not.

Walk On

I knew that coming to Oregon for a month would be easy. That I could leave my job, my friends, my family, my car, and just come up and be okay. I also knew that leaving and going back to San Diego would be really difficult. I'm trying to convince myself that I don't have to think about the future right now, but if I don't think about it now, when will I think about it? I can't put it off forever.

So, should I move up here? Well, if I get into a school up here the choice will be easy. My education is very important to me. I need to go where I can so I can start my career. But then I start thinking about if I even want to apply to schools up here. Or do I even need to? Why not just come up here for a few months and then start applying to schools?

Sometimes I try to figure out what's holding me back from just going to San Diego, packing up my stuff, and coming back to Oregon. Right now, I think it is a few things. I'm not ready to say goodbye to the beautiful location, that's for sure. I'll miss my family and friends terribly. I hate moving. I love my job. I'm in school down there. Oh, and then there was someone who came into my life so suddenly and so forcefully that I'm still surprised at the impact this person has had on my decision.

I guess sometimes all you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other.